Explaining the News to Our Kids
CDS is a values-based community, and we know that the recent events in Charlottesville are deeply disturbing. Along with CDS Director of Inclusion Anthony Witte, I have sent resources to the faculty on how to talk about these issues to our students in developmentally appropriate ways.
We also want to share some resources for you as parents and guardians and remind you that news events and your reactions to them can be deeply upsetting for children. We have attached to this post some links to information about how to talk to children about race, bias, and the constant feed from news and social media. We hope that you will read the following information from Common Sense Media about how to ensure that your kids feel safe.
Ultimately, we hope that this blog post and the included resources can help you sort through news and social media with your children and be better prepared to have difficult conversations in a safe, age-appropriate way.
With the nation still stunned from the horrific display of hate in Charlottesville, Virginia, families are once again faced with explaining difficult subjects to kids and teens. And as if hate speech, racism, and oppression weren't enough, the president's controversial remarks casting blame on "many sides" puts the burden on parents to educate their kids on the importance of tolerance.
In the meantime, technology is doing the heavy lifting -- sending updates, tweets, posts, and breaking news alerts directly to our kids' phones -- long before parents have had a chance to digest the news themselves or discuss it thoughtfully with their kids. In many cases, kids aren't at an age where they can make sense of these current events and are being thrust into a political debate that can seem scary or overwhelming. Often parents aren't around to immediately help their kids make sense of challenging, upsetting situations.
The bottom line is that elementary school-aged kids and some middle schoolers have trouble fully understanding news events and their contexts. And though older teens are better able to understand current events, even they face challenges when it comes to sifting fact from opinion -- or misinformation.
No matter how old your kids are, threatening or upsetting news can affect them emotionally. Many can feel worried, frightened, angry, or even guilty. And these anxious feelings can last long after the news event is over. So what can you do as a parent to help your kids deal with all this information?
Addressing Racism and Diversity:
How to Talk to Kids About Racism
An excellent resource for topics by age/grade and corresponding books to help support talking to your kids in a language that's age appropriate.
Books That Promote Tolerance and Diversity
Our top choices for sparking empathy with characters that have their own challenges and overcome adversity.
Best News Sources for Kids
The websites and apps on this list offer stories of interest to kids and make serious events more digestible and age appropriate.
Addressing News and Current Events: Tips for All Kids
Consider your own reactions. Your kids will look to the way you handle the news to determine their own approach. If you stay calm and rational, they will too.
Take action. Depending on the issue and kids' ages, families can find ways to help those affected by the news. Kids can write postcards to politicians expressing their opinions; families can attend meetings or protests; kids can help assemble care packages or donate a portion of their allowance to a rescue/humanitarian effort. Check out websites that help kids do good.
Tips for Kids Under 7
Keep the news away. Turn off the TV and radio news at the top of the hour and half hour. Read the newspaper out of range of young eyes that can be frightened by the pictures (kids may respond strongly to pictures of other kids in jeopardy). Preschool kids don't need to see or hear about something that will only scare them silly, especially because they can easily confuse facts with fantasies or fears.
Stress that your family is safe. At this age, kids are most concerned with your safety and separation from you. Try not to minimize or discount their concerns and fears, but reassure them by explaining all the protective measures that exist to keep them safe. If the news event happened far away, you can use the distance to reassure kids. For kids who live in areas where crime and violence is a very real threat, any news account of violence may trigger extra fear. If that happens, share a few age-appropriate tips for staying and feeling safe (being with an adult, keeping away from any police activity).
Be together. Though it's important to listen and not belittle their fears, distraction and physical comfort can go a long way. Snuggling up and watching something cheery or doing something fun together may be more effective than logical explanations about probabilities.
Tips for Kids 8–12
Carefully consider your child's maturity and temperament. Many kids can handle a discussion of threatening events, but if your kids tend toward the sensitive side, be sure to keep them away from the TV news; repetitive images and stories can make dangers appear greater, more prevalent, and closer to home.
Be available for questions and conversation. At this age, many kids will see the morality of events in stark black-and-white terms and are in the process of developing their moral beliefs. You may have to explain the basics of prejudice, bias, and civil and religious strife. But be careful about making generalizations, since kids will take what you say to the bank. This is a good time to ask them what they know, since they'll probably have gotten their information from friends, and you may have to correct facts.
Talk about -- and filter -- news coverage. You might explain that even news programs compete for viewers, which sometimes affects content decisions. If you let your kids use the Internet, go online with them. Some of the pictures posted are simply grisly. Monitor where your kids are going, and set your URLs to open to non-news-based portals.
Tips for Teens
Check in. Since, in many instances, teens will have absorbed the news independently of you, talking with them can offer great insights into their developing politics and their senses of justice and morality. It will also help you get a sense of what they already know or have learned about the situation from their own social networks. It will also give you the opportunity to throw your own insights into the mix (just don't dismiss theirs, since that will shut down the conversation immediately).
Let teens express themselves. Many teens will feel passionately about events and may even personalize them if someone they know has been directly affected. They'll also probably be aware that their own lives could be affected by violence. Try to address their concerns without dismissing or minimizing them. If you disagree with media portrayals, explain why so your teens can separate the mediums through which they absorb news from the messages conveyed.
I encourage you to sit down as a family for dinner as often as you can. Check in with everyone at the table and share your wishes, hopes and dreams as well as your concerns. Remember with children, less is more. They do not need lengthy explanations; they just want to know that they will be safe. Think about ways that you as a family can work for social justice and make your neighborhood better.
For more information on how to talk to your kids about a recent tragedy, please visit the National Association of School Psychologists or the American Psychological Association. For more on how news can impact kids, check out "News and America's Kids: How Young People Perceive and Are Impacted by the News."
Marie-Louise Mares, Associate Professor in the Department of Communication Arts at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, contributed to this article.
Resources for Addressing Crises, Tragedies, Major News Events
- Talking to Children About Tragedies (American Academy of Pediatrics)
- Explaining the News to Our Kids (Common Sense Media)
- Helping Children Cope with Frightening News (Child Mind Institute)
- Talking to Kids After Racial Incidents (University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education)
Curriculum Resources (in the wake of Charlottesville)
- Ten Ways to Fight Hate: A Community Resource Guide (Southern Poverty Law Center)
- Responding to Hate and Bias at School: A Guide for Administrators, Counselors, and Teachers (Teaching Tolerance)
- Resources For Addressing Racism and Hatred in the Classroom (ASCD)
- #Charlottesville Curriculum (via Twitter, initiated by Melinda Anderson, an Atlantic contributing writer)
- Teaching About the Holocaust (United States Holocaust Memorial Museum)
- The Political Classroom: Evidence and Ethics in Democratic Education (University of Wisconsin book review)
- Why Charlottesville? (The Atlantic)
- Public Education Materials (Equal Justice Initiative)
Resources for Teaching Positive Racial Attitudes and Identity
- Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice (Teaching Tolerance)
- The Dos and Don’ts of Talking to Kids of Color About White Supremacy (Colorlines magazine)
- What White Children Need to Know About Race (NAIS's Independent School magazine)
- What’s Missing from the Conversation: The Growth Mindset in Cultural Competency (NAIS's Independent Ideas blog)
- Teaching Tolerance: How White Parents Should Talk to Their Young Kids About Race (Slate)
- What Happens When Minority Kids are Taught Not to Talk About Race? (New York magazine)
- 100 Race Conscious Things You Can Say to Your Child to Advance Racial Justice (Raising Race Conscious Children)